


When I Saw Him

by kend4llz



Category: Big Time Rush (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Break Up, Gay, Gay Male Character, Identity Issues, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jealousy, Light Angst, Love at First Sight, M/M, Queer Themes, Questioning, Sexual Tension, Underage Kissing, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:47:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27607844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kend4llz/pseuds/kend4llz
Summary: When Kendall Knight sees Logan Mitchell for the first time, his heart explodes. Slight angst. Will be an ongoing series.
Relationships: James Diamond/Carlos Garcia, Kendall Knight & Logan Mitchell, Kendall Knight/Logan Mitchell, Logan Mitchell/Camille Roberts
Kudos: 6





	1. Eye Contact

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing on here so please be patient with me!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kendall Knight meets Logan Mitchell. Love at first sight.

_"It's so hard to describe. It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like... gravity moves. When you see him, suddenly it's not the earth holding you here anymore. He does. And nothing matters more than him. And you would do anything for him, be anything for him." -Jacob Black, New Moon._

Kendall Knight feels his heart jump out of his chest and fall into the grass beneath his feet. His entire body feels warm and at first, he thinks he might be having a heart attack or a stroke or simply just _dying_ out of nowhere. 

Without even really thinking about it, he practically jumps off of the dark mahogany picnic table's bench and strides over to the porcelain-skinned, dimple-wearing stranger with soft brown eyes and equally soft brown hair who's been staring back at him.

_one hour earlier..._

"Mom, have you seen my sketchbook?" Kendall whined impatiently. He had just moved all the way across the country from Minnesota to way-too-sunny California in an instant. He begged and pleaded for his mother to just leave him in Minnesota, but he came to realize that a 16 year old boy didn't have much influence over life-changing decisions such as moving.

Contrary to his protesting, his little sister Katie was more than thrilled to be in Cali. She spent as much time as possible in the park, tricking people into giving her money on the street, or just _anything_ _else_ but being inside. She had left the house a few minutes before to lounge by the pool that the Palmwoods wasted no time advertising.

Kendall's mother popped into his room, handing him his small black sketchbook with a small smile. 

"Sorry honey, I just wanted to look at some of your drawings again. You have a gift." She beamed.

Kendall felt a small blush creep onto his cheeks, thanking his mom quietly and standing up, sketchbook in hand, and walking into the living room.

As he was about to open the book and begin drawing again, his mother appeared over him, delicately closing the book. She stared at him right in the eyes and Kendall could practically hear what she was going to say before she actually said it.

"Sweetie, I love you. But you need to get the hell out of the house for once and make some friends!" She said. Kendall visibly cringed into himself, silently reminding his mother of just how _awkward_ he was around people he wasn't familiar with. They battled with their eyes until Mrs. Knight inevitably won by simply taking his sketchbook from him and holding it in the air.

"You get this back when you go outside. I'll even let you take it with you, okay?" She questioned him.

He stifled a groan, nodding his head in defeat and grabbing his sketchbook and polka-dot pencil case and heading for the door. He waved to his mom, taking a deep breath and walking outside of the apartment.

 _Its fine, you're fine, it's going to be fine..._ He thought in his head. He didn't want to psyche himself out before he even got outside but his anxiety usually hit him like a battering ram and stopped him from doing pretty much anything socially.

He took another unnecessary deep breath, swiftly walking down the stairs and out of the Palmwoods without making eye contact with a single person. He headed straight to the nearby park, finding an open picnic table and plopping down with a little too much force.

He nearly gasped for air, not realizing he was holding his breath for the entire journey over here. He took a second to relax before he really looked around at the scenery. It was beautiful outside, the hue of the trees nothing short than perfect and people with their families and pets with bubbly smiles and laughter floating in the air. 

He suddenly felt at ease, placing his sketchbook on the table in front of him carefully and glancing around to find something or even some _one_ to draw.

And then he saw him.

He made direct eye contact with which was probably one of the most beautiful people Kendall has ever seen before.

The boy looked to be the same age as him, a bright dimpled smile on his face and his dark brown hair styled just enough that it looked messy in a charming way. It was slightly curly and framed his face nicely.

Kendall drank in every single detail about this boy in just a matter of second-- the way his slender hands ran through his hair when he laughed, the way his skin glowed in the sunlight and the way his neat attire still managed to look cool despite it simply being a white button down with blue jeans and black and white Converse. 

Kendall didn't know what was happening to him but his eyes searched the boy's eyes for something. 

He wasn't really sure what it was that he was looking for.

Surprisingly, the boy stopped mid-footfall and stared back at him with the same intensity. Kendall couldn't stop the blush that flooded into his face this time, sitting up completely straight before launching himself off the bench with such speed and fervor that he accidentally slammed his knee into the table.

He winced and cursed, noticing the boy laugh at his goofy attempt at being calm and collected and blushing deeper-- _how was that even possible for his blush to get deeper??_

He shook his head, thinking of what his mom said about making new friends. He grabbed his sketchbook and his pencil case, slowly approaching the boy who he now noticed was accompanied by two other people-- a taller boy who was scarily pretty and a slightly shorter hispanic boy with puppy dog eyes and a sleek black helmet on his head.

He'd introduce himself to the other two later, but right now he was focused on the boy with the pretty dimples.

He finally stood in front of him, his heart beating a thousand beats a second. Now that he was actually there in front of him, he didn't remember what he was going to say. 

The boy spoke up first, flashing a pearly smile, dimples and all.

"Hey, are you okay? I saw you hit your knee." He said in between laughs. The spanish boy laughed loudly and the pretty boy tried to conceal his laughter as well.

Usually Kendall would feel like he's being bullied by a comment like this but strangely he felt comfortable, almost like he'd known these boys his entire life.

He smiled with the same amount of energy, nodding his head 'yes.' To his surprise, the boy in front of him slightly blushed as well, clearing his throat and holding out his hand.

"I'm Hort- Logan. Logan Mitchell. These are my friends James-" he pointed to the pretty boy first, "-And Carlos." He then pointed to the energetic puppy-boy. 

Kendall took his hand, shocked at how soft and warm it was. "I'm Kendall, I just moved here a couple days ago. Can I draw you?" Kendall froze at his last sentence, not meaning for it to slip out as quickly as it did. Logan smiled so wide that Kendall thought his face might crack and his eyes sparkled.

"Really?" He asked happily. "That would be so cool!" Kendall felt his own surge of excitement at Logan's enthusiasm, then noticing the two boys beside him sharing a sneaky grin. 

"O-Okay, come with me, I'll draw you right over here." Kendall guided them to the table, all of them sitting down collectively. 

Kendall was thrilled. Beyond thrilled- he felt fucking _ecstatic_. He'd somehow met and talked to such a gorgeous boy on his first venture outside and he made three friends in the process. 

_Maybe California wasn't so bad after all.._ he thought.

He opened his pencil case.


	2. Phone Number

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kendall gets Logan's phone number..but doesn't know how to strike up a text conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for future chapters: Kendall has severe depression and anxiety and experiences frequent panic/anxiety attacks when he feels overwhelmed. Logan becomes a sanctuary of sorts from him. Mild angst coming soon.

Kendall carefully sketched the lines of Logan's face, the subtle curve of his cheekbones and the slight squint in his eyes when he smiled. His shaggy hair with bangs that were long enough to cover his eyebrows, but not too much that Kendall couldn't see them. 

James and Carlos watched silently as Kendall drew Logan with such precision and meticulousness that the boys felt like they were watching a professional draw, like their own personal Leonardo Da Vinci or even Michaelangelo. Maybe a stretch, but they were still thoroughly impressed with Kendall's ability. After a few silent minutes, Kendall finally finished, wiping the eraser shavings off the page and picking up the picture.

He turned it towards the boys, and their eyes widened. Carlos couldn't stop himself, he stood up and clapped like an excited child. James joined him, clapping along with a few wow's thrown in between claps.

Logan on the other hand was completely silent, his face beet red and his pupils blown wider than they've ever been before. He was nothing short of astonished, the drawing a perfect encapsulation of his likeness. The pencil strokes were so perfect on his hair and his cheeks and Kendall nervously tore the page out, handing it to him. 

"Do you like it?" Kendall asked cautiously. Carlos was the first to yell out, "Hell yes!" followed by James who nodded excitedly and Logan who gushed out a happy "yes" as well. Kendall beamed, thanking all of the boys for their kindness. Kendall knew he could draw-- his mom made him acutely aware of it-- but he didn't think he was any sort of prodigy. He'd always wanted to go to art school and with just these three reactions, he knew he _had_ to go to art school. 

"Oh, I nearly forgot. Can I sign my name on the picture? Just like, artist's tradition." Kendall requested. Logan nodded, handing him back the picture. Kendall pulled out his gold calligraphy pen, signing his name swiftly. Carlos "ooh'd" at how fancy his writing was. Kendall took a mental note of how easily entertained Carlos was by things. 

Kendall stood up, ready to high-tail out of the park and back into his house when Logan stopped him, gently grabbing his wrist. Kendall stared curiously at him, biting his bottom lip anxiously. "Can I give you my phone number?" Logan asked. 

Kendall was _not_ expecting that at all.

He blushed profusely, nodding his head with a little too much energy, pulling out his phone and handing it to Logan. He punched in his contact quickly, handing it back to a stunned Kendall. Kendall thanked him, collecting his things and rushing back to his apartment. When he finally reached his home, he quickly shut the front door behind him, sliding down to the ground.

He exhaled forcefully, mentally screaming the word "yes!!" over and over. 

He jumped back up, placing his things on the kitchen island and running into his room with his phone clutched in his hand. He flopped on his bed back-first, kicking off his shoes and turning onto his side, unlocking his phone.

He went straight to his messages, seeing that Logan had saved his contact and sent a message to himself saying, "Hey :)" under the contact "Logan :D". Kendall smiled to himself, opening the message log. Logan had responded to himself saying, "hello hi hey c:", which Kendall wrote off as _way too cute_.

And then he was stuck. 

He hadn't had a real friend in a _long_ time and now that he had one, he didn't know how to react or talk to them. Kendall mentally beats himself up, his eyes beginning to sting as tears threatened to push through. 

He promised himself he would try not to cry over such a stupid little thing such as this anymore, but he couldn't help it. He wanted so badly to just be a _regular_ teenage boy who didn't cry over _literally everything._ It was starting to get really frustrating when he couldn't just accept things not going his way and he was feeling more and more like a huge burden to his mom and sister when he had a breakdown over what seemed like absolutely nothing.

He dropped his phone next to him, pressing his palms into his eyes and trying to calm himself down before he sent himself into a full blown sobbing fit. After a few minutes of not moving and breathing, he finally calmed himself down even though he did end up crying a bit. He knew his eyes must be red and he made a mental note not to leave his room for a while so that his mother wouldn't question the puffiness of his face.

He picked up his phone again, reminding himself that it wasn't a big deal and that he could just text Logan and it would be fine. 

Right?

He cringed away from his phone, sending Logan a quick message then internally screaming and throwing his phone back down.

_HeisntgonnarespondohmygodwhydidIsaythatwhyamIsofuckingawkwardsomeonepleasestrikemedeadkillme-_

**Ding. Ding. Ding.**

Fuck.


	3. Play Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kendall invites Logan over to hang out. Logan brings over James and Carlos..and an unexpected visitor as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Camille is going to be a bitch for a while but I promise it helps the story move along.

Kendall felt like his head was going to explode. Who the _hell_ texts back this quickly? It wouldn't have even bothered Kendall if Logan had taken hours to respond to his text but him responding in less than a _minute?_

It was like Logan was waiting for his text. 

_Logan was waiting for his text? As if!_

Kendall nervously picked up his phone, seeing that there was 3 new messages from Logan. He figured he might as well just open the messages and get it over with, accepting defeat before defeat was even made clear.

He opened the messages finally, surprised by what he saw. 

>kenny ^^: do u want 2 come over l8r? its ok if u say no lol

>logan :D: what!!

>logan :D: rlly?? that'd be awesome!

>logan :D: can i bring carlos and james :>?

Kendall felt his heart soar-- he didn't even care that it wouldn't be him and Logan alone. The fact that anyone at all was coming over to see him made him feel so _so_ happy. 

>kenny ^^: yeah ofc! come over whenever and i have snacks so u dont have 2 bring any!

Kendall quickly turned off his phone, changing his outside clothing for something a little more comfortable. He settled on a baby blue and white striped sweater and white sweatpants. He slipped on a pair of fluffy white socks and brushed out his hair, suddenly realizing he was putting just a little too much effort into his appearance. 

But hell, at least he looked adorable.

He huffed out a sigh, going into the living room and sitting on the couch waiting patiently. He crossed his feet, playing with his sweater paws and tussling his own hair when he heard multiple different knocks at his door.

He jumped up, practically running towards the door. He paused for just a second, breathing, then opening the door to _one, two, three...four? Four people?_

Kendall was slightly confused but he didn't say anything about it. "Come in guys." He said, trying not to show his confusion on his face. The boys walked in, making themselves at home and immediately rummaging through the cabinets searching for snacks. On the contrary, the short dark haired girl with the baby-angel face introduced herself with a smile. "Hey. I'm Camille, I'm Logan's girlfriend." She said kindly.

_GIRLFRIEND?_

Kendall froze, feeling like he wanted to disappear in that instance and never be found by anyone ever again. He forced out a smile, nodding his head and running to the bathroom and slamming the door. He instantly regretted slamming the door because he knew it probably made enough noise for everyone in the apartment to be aware of it. 

He couldn't control himself, he started sobbing as if someone had just told him his pet died. He slumped against the cool tile floor, letting his pathetic tears overflow and he wished they'd drown him so he could get things over with. He knew it was stupid of him to feel connected to someone at first meeting but he couldn't help himself-- his heart felt _electric_ when he talked to Logan, when he saw Logan smile at him, when he heard him laugh at his friend's stupid banter.

He cried for-- he doesn't even know how long. He just knows that when he stopped, he felt relieved. He'd get over this small crush just as soon as it was developed. He stood up, staring at himself in the mirror to assess the damage. His eyes were red and puffy around the corners, the usual bright green now slightly dulled because of his crying. His cheeks were pink and even his nose was slightly pink too. His lips looked about the same, just slightly more thick from how much he nibbled on them when he got nervous.

As much of a wreck as he was, he still somehow looked really cute. Like a lost-child-in-a-mall kind of cute. Kendall was insecure about almost everything but for some reason his appearance wasn't one of those things. He knew it was due to the fact that every day since he was a baby his mother called him his "pretty bluebird" and it just never wore off. He decided to tell his mother later on how much she meant to him.

He splashed some water on his face, drying it with his shirt and exiting the bathroom. Luckily no one was waiting for him outside, so he walked back into the living room to see exactly why he was crying in the first place. Logan and Camille were cuddled up on one end of the couch while Carlos and James were playing around in the swirly slide throwing popcorn at each other. 

He sighed heavily, walking into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of orange soda. He placed it on the counter, leaning next to it and placing his cheek against the cold marble. He felt something poke him in the side so he stood up only to be met by the curious gaze of a slightly disheveled Logan. "Are you okay? I heard you crying earlier but I didn't wanna bother you.." Logan trailed off.

Kendall smiled, shaking his head. "I'm okay, I just get worked up sometimes. Depression and stuff really sucks." He replied warmly. To his dismay, Logan looked even more concerned than before. He ran his hand through his hair, grimacing. "Oh god, my god Kendall! Why didn't you tell me earlier? I feel like a total ass right now, this is your apartment and none of us have even been hanging out with you. I'm so sorry I-" Kendall cut him off, placing his hand over his mouth and smiling brightly.

"It's okay, I promise. I'm just glad you guys are here. Your girlfriend seems nice." Kendall bit back his resentment on the last part. Logan smiled awkwardly. "Oh yeah, sorry I didn't mention her earlier. When she found out I was coming over here she insisted on tagging along." He didn't seem that happy that she was here with them.

Now that Kendall thought about it, when they were cuddled up it seemed as though only she was having a good time. Logan looked sort of..lost.

Kendall facepalmed without thinking, catching Logan off-guard. _Don't get your hopes up, you're reading too much into these things_ Kendall thought.

He began to laugh, hugging Logan carefully. He was even happier when Logan hugged him back, squeezing him tightly. Logan released him slightly, leaning in to whisper in Kendall's ear.

"Do you wanna smoke with me and the guys later tonight? Camille won't be there, I promise. It'll really loosen you up." Logan asked sweetly. 

Kendall was way too quick to say yes, but when he did Logan squeezed his hand warmly and waltzed back over to a very menacing-looking Camille who was glaring daggers in Kendall's direction.

He finally understood just what kind of girlfriend Camille _really_ was. 

He decided he wouldn't give up. He could make Logan like him somehow.


End file.
